I don't know what to do anymore.
I think I expect everything to work out fine in the end. Nothing will change if I don't.
I have not been able to work lately. As in, n-o-n-e NONE of my homework is getting done. Sometimes I will just sit and stare at my walls in order to avoid it; I can come up with any excuse immaginable to avoid writing two paragraphs.
I watched cartoons with my sister.
I went downstairs for some cheese and crackers.
I did my laundry a second time.
I'm writing this.
I did my sister's laundry and moved my parents' to the dryer.
I had a family reunion. Family reunions are delightfully awkward, don't you think?
YOU GET THE POINT. I have no motivation for anything anymore, even stuff I used to like. But I'm not depressed, because I'm actually a reasonably happy being. [Not doing hw is probably why.] I laugh to myself, spend quality time with friends, and I haven't given up on writing completely. But it's the feeling of guilt at 2:00 AM, the shame of being the only one without the assingment, the dread of the knowledge that I am probably failing high school. But even the one F on my report card isn't enough to motivate me. Not new clothes, going to the movies, being in the school musical, not even just having an easier life.
Why doesn't it matter??? I'm NOT exempt from these things!
I could be so much more happy. I make myself, my parents, and to some extent, my friends miserable.
My future is so important to me. Yet I do nothing to save it.
I don't feel empty.. just purposeless.